New World Record Squirrel

Garth T. McGillicuddy and Henry A. (Bubba) Jablonski were deer hunting on Maryland's Eastern Shore on Bubba's farm last Thursday when they were attacked by "the biggest dang squirrel I ever seen in my life" according to Mr. McGillicuddy. The animal has been identified by a biologist from the MD Department of Natural Resources as a Delmarva Colossus Squirrel. These large tree dwellers had not been seen in over a hundred years and were presumed to be extinct. The biologist also stated that the hunters were lucky to be carrying deer rifles as these squirrels had been known to attack humans and carry off dogs and small children. As this is the only known specimen of the Delmarva Colossus Squirrel, it is likely that the world record trophy will never be broken. When asked what he planned to do with the animal, Mr. Jablonski replied "That baby's going on the wall. I don't know of nobody who's got a giant squirrel on the wall." He further stated that he might be willing to loan it to the Bass Pro Shops or Cabelas outdoor stores for a touring show "if they throw in a bass boat."